When we found out that Emily was pregnant, in August 2006, we ramped up our housing search. We had been living in a not-too-tiny-but-still-small 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment ever since we moved to the area the year before, and we wanted a real honest to god house for our new baby, and our growing family. Somewhere in a nice suburban neighborhood (because we are boring like that).

We placed an offer on a house on a nice street. House was sold already. Made an offer on the house next door with a similar floor plan (the first house was a 3/2, this was a pre-addition 3/1 that could be turned into one very like the other). We got it. Hooray!! We were homeowners, in Mountain View California! Still, it was a 3/1, and tiny, so we knew that we'd have to build an addition on it. It was priced a lot lower than the remodeled one next door, which we could also afford, so we had some extra cash lying around for a remodel.

But when we spoke to a consultant about the job we were looking to have done he estimated that it would cost about twice the amount that we had to spend. Grrrr.

Not knowing what else to do, we asked for, and received, help from two family members who are in the house-building business. One was going to draw up the plans by the beginning of 2007; the other was going to come out with a crew and build the addition before Erin was born in April of 2007. And then we'd have our nice family home in our nice suburban neighborhood.

The plans were never finished; but a crew came out anyway and some work was done. Foundation, framing, floors. No roof. No walls. No kitchen remodel. No bathroom. But still, something was done. By June.

Yeah. By the time June rolled around Erin was a month and a half old and we were still in our apartment. We were desperate to move in, but we were also out of money and couldn't do any more building anyway because....the plans still weren't done. That means that all the work we had done was done without permits or inspections and made it very difficult to do any more work.

Fast forward to November 2007. Work frozen on house since June. House sits empty, unlivable. Erin still sleeps with us because we can't bring ourselves to buy a crib to have in the shitty-ass apartment we live in. Actually, the apartment wasn't so bad, it just felt small. But we were also paying rent and a mortgage, now 8 months longer than we had originally anticipated. What could we do? We tossed around ideas, and nothing really seemed to work. Sell it? Can't, we have too much invested in it, it looks like shit, and we'd probably lose money. Finish it? Can't. We have no plans, and no money until the tax return of 2008. Burn it?

Burning it seemed like the best option at the time.

But instead we did nothing. We tried to put some more pressure on the man with the plans, but he was up to his neck in his own shit and I just never felt good about laying the hammer down. You can't fire family.

You can't fire family.

You can't fire family.

February 2008. Why can't we fire family? We're still in our little apartment. We need the plans done to at least make it possible for a new contractor to come in and finish the house for us, whenever we have the money to do it. So why not fire family? What the hell is our deal? Of course you can fire family, especially if they're too guilt-ridden to actually finish the project, or any project, in the first place. It's one thing to ask family for help; it's another thing to permit yourself to follow them into a deep hole because you can't hurt their pride by taking their favor-for-us away from them.

March 1st 2008. Fired family. Asked a structural engineer friend to draw up some plans.

March 7th, 2008. Had a lovely date night with Emily. Talked about the house. New plans are going to cost a lot, especially if they are stamped by an engineer (which they almost certainly will have to be because the construction that's been done to date has been done without permits, so without the City engineer's inspection). After the plans, there's still the actual construction costs, which will burn through our tax return like arson through a half-finished house.

Why do we want to finish it? Why not sell it? At this point, we realized the only thing that was holding us to the house was that we hated the idea of failing at something. But we were going to bury ourselves finishing a house that by now we couldn't stand to think about, so that we could move in and be miserable for probably only a couple of years. Once I'm finished my PhD I have to look for a job, which means, probably, moving. 2-3 years. In a house we hate. Why oh why oh why the fuck would we pay for that privilege???

Last night. "Let's sell the house." It was a fucking revelation. It is more important to us now to be in a nice place (rent a house for a couple of years) for our daughter and our next kid than it is to OWN the house we live in for the next two or three years.

We began our ordeal thinking that we needed to buy the great family house; and then we needed to build the great family house; and then we couldn't risk losing money, and it was too embarassing to give up, so we had to finish the great family house.

Now it doesn't make any sense whatsoever to try to finish the house. Even if it means we lose every dime we sunk in to remodel it. The emotional cost is just too damned high. It's cost us relationships with family members, and to get those back we need to get past this freaking nightmare.

I haven't written much about the house in the past almost year because it's just been that depressing to think about.

After our date last night Emily and I slept very, very well.

Sell the house.

The spring quarter begins today at school. While I'm TA'ing a time-intensive class, it's one that I've done before so I shouldn't have to do much extra reading. I'm also taking a second-year seminar, which will be reading and writing intensive. But that's it. Just one class for credit, really.

I've managed to get credit for work I did earlier in the year assigned to this quarter, so I can spend more time at home when the baby comes at the end of the month. This is great, especially since my wife is now on maternity leave and gets to be at home as much as she wants; I can spend extra time with her in this last, most uncomfortable month of pregnancy.

I'm also thinking about going back East for a little while when the quarter ends in June so I can introduce the baby to my dad and any old friends who happen to be around Montreal-Kingston-Toronto during that time. Maybe another trip around Christmas.

In other news: the house progresses. That's about all I can say. It's not progressing well, but we're not moving backward at all on it. Maybe we'll be able to move in a month or so.

I'm also going to increase my fencing and general working-out activity, since I don't know that I'll have much free time for it once the baby comes. Time to knock off a few pounds before I put it back on over the summer. One thing that's good is that I can apparently drop weight very quickly (25 lbs in 4 weeks last June and July), and I put it on at a much slower rate, even when I'm not being careful (15 lbs in 8 months.) We'll see how it goes.

Buffy, Season 4, is almost finished. I love Netflix.

My father is, once again, a father.

His wife had a baby girl on Friday, and I am very happy for him. My daughter will have an aunt two months her elder (and another one 6 years her elder....and another one 27 years her elder...that's a lot of aunts, and a lot of years...there's also an uncle in there somewhere, who is probably around 10 now).

So, I don't know if I feel old (I have a sister who is 30 years younger than I am), or young (yay! I'm still having new siblings!).

I have a lot of sisters. All of them cute and loveable and bratty in their own special ways.

In other news, there is a hole in the wall of the bedroom of the house on the lot by the street by the park at the bottom of the sea. Er...just in the bedroom. Demolition and renovation has begun, modestly, at the house (one of the guys, enthusiastic about being able to tear down that wall in the near future, punched a hole in it last night). Over the next 4-6 weeks there will be much stress, and much hemorrhaging of money. That part started already, when we went grocery shopping for this live-in crew to get them through a couple of weeks. We had to get a Costco membership (where, incidentally, we saw a 50" Plasma for $1200! Holy sweet deals, Batman).

The Costco membership is just one more thing making me feel old today. And even more suburban. I'm also thinking about SUV's. And playgroups.

Today is a very exciting day. Today Emily and I get to do an ultrasound. We also close escrow on our house (prior to waiting months and months and months and months for the remodel to be finished).

But we're not the only ones asserting ownership of something. Bush bought space. Um, outer space. That huge expanse of vacuum and planets. And I guess he didn't really 'buy' it. It's more like he's thinking of the U.S. flag up on the moon as a conquistador flag planted in all of space: "I claim this universe in the name of Bush!"

I'm not making this up.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/17/AR2006101701484_pf.html

Good times.

Doorknob ankle cold.

I was tracked down by my friend Gary yesterday. Haven't spoken to him in about 5 years, I think. Mostly my fault, since it appears my sister always knew how to get in touch with him.

Baby arrives April 21st. <--------------------(Despite this looking like an afterthought, it's actually very very very very very very very exciting. I just have no way to express how exciting it is, so I announce it as blandly as possible). Emily and I are still arguing about names. I tell her that she'll be out on painkillers and I'll name the baby anything I damn well please; she tells me I'm not going to be allowed in the room and she'll name the baby anything she damn well pleases.

I'm in the middle of grading papers for the first time in my life. It's about what I expected, but it's taking a lot more time than I thought it would. I've had to put my other classes on hold for a couple of days.

We sign escrow docs on Friday for our house. Then we wait, and wait, and wait, for remodeling to be finished (adding a master bath, kicking out a wall to make the master bedroom bigger, and also adding a dining room, air conditioning, and some kind of flooring that's not carpet.)

I am thinking of linking this journal to MySpace, since old friends have been tracking me down using that ubiquitous little piece of technology.